I could have mohawked her pubes.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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