Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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