I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
