Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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