Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
