does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
