So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
