Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
i think my cat just said my name.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
