If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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