Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
