It was confusing and full of hummus
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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