if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
