Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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