I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
