please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
