I accidentally burped into my bong.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
