My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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