Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
17 year olds will be the death of me.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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