No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
