he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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