She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
