Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize