Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
