Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
