Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
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As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
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You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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