Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
