I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just high enough for therapy.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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