i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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