Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
