Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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