Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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