1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i would punch a child for taco bell
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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