I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
