i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
This house was built for laser tag.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
