Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
