**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
