A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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