Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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