True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize