Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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