um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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