She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
