is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
