She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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