So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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