i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
