Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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