and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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