she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He better not be in your backpack
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
