It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
