i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Sober January is a disaster.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
