Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
