rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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