Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize