I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize