Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
