After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Randomize
