tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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