We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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