I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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