I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
