It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
