Dual....:-)
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
