I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
