Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
