My friends, they love my intelligence
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
